Sometimes I believe words mean nothing. There is somewhat of a difference between knowing something and believing it.
I believe he loved me when he says, "There has yet to be a day where I didn't think of you." But I know that it's true coming from the person it came from. If the other person said exactly the same as, "You've been the only person I've loved in such a manner," it would have never stopped there, see. An "i dunno" or various fragments did not follow as they would have coming from the others. I feel no need to question these statements because I believe they are true. I do not believe they are false. I know they worth believing to be true coming from the person they came from.
Ideas may be transcribed loosely in words, but in words that you would never actually catch yourself saying is apparently bad journalism or bad reporting (according to my late professor). There is merit in freedom of speech, in free flow, in spoken word, in impulse... There is more merit in fermentation, planned obsolescence, clear intentions, respectful obligation, social responsibility to the person who deserves it.
I miss companionship. I miss last semester. I miss my past lives.
But I'm here in this one, now, with Holly the cat who won't stop meowing because her dad is gone for the week. I feel sorry for her, because I am leaving, too, for a week on Sunday. I am driving with my girlfriend and her spawn to Orange County where I will take deep breaths hopefully, only, composure must be maintained.
My life a blur. I allow myself to be lost in thought.
I lie to the others who ask too many questions instead of just holding me and letting me stay quiet.
Hold me
O well
You got me under your spell
and I don't think that I'm kidding around
don't think I can forget you now
Once, I sat up on my roof
Examining the planet of my town
Saw the structures of pretty pavement cutting through grass
and
Remembered the cold of winter running up the leg of my pants
and
Picked the nicest lawn and imagined the two of us rolling around
Down, all on the ground
and
I saw myself touch your face
and
I noticed jets begin to ease above our heads
and
I pinched my arm and remembered how much you hate me
Remembered the fact I can't see what you need
Cause I'm too stupid to be aware of the beauty that you give this place
and
how shitty this town would seem with out you in it
or
when you're not around... let the shades fall down
and
shut out all the sun's light
to make myself feel alright
What am I doing with my life?
O well
Remember
the only thing we need sometimes
Are chilly nights and warmer thighs
Cause nothing's like being held, sometimes.
